


GLF of GGO

by AKAAkira



Category: Sword Art Online
Genre: F/F, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKAAkira/pseuds/AKAAkira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Klein's first impressions of Gun Gale Online are quite different from what he expected. There were a lot of flowers, for one thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	GLF of GGO

In case you didn't know, GLF of GGO stood for "The Girl's Love Fanclub of Gun Gale Online".

The meeting took place in a spacious cargo bay, currently holding dozens of people. The first thing to come to attention was that the room wasn't just big, it was _enormous_. Shoot a gun from one side, and there would actually be a perceivable delay between the _bang_ and a mark appearing on the opposite wall. In addition, it appeared that someone attempted to create a "Great Hall" atmosphere in the past – the large exit was the kind that should've had an overhead gate, but the spot had been embezzled by majestic, wood-like double doors, not dissimilar to the ones that decorated the entrance to the captain's room in a starship. It was the perfect place to host an auction meet, or a Senate meeting.

Or, apparently, a room-wide speech on the overwhelming pros associated with girls loving other girls.

In an attempt to pretend that _some_ form of legitimacy and seriousness remained in this fanfiction, let us describe to you the proceedings as follows. There was a tap and a slight whine of feedback over the speakers, and suddenly all eyes were on the "podium" – a smattering of crates gathered together and stacked up, with a microphone at the top. It was at the center of the room, so whoever was speaking was surrounded at all sides by the bloodthirsty players of Gun Gale Online, many who killed each other at least weekly, if not daily.

If the person speaking knew all this, he didn't show it, looking supremely unimpressed. "All right, shut the chatter, girls," he growled, prompting a jeer from the crowd. One of the few females in the room cocked her pistol threateningly. "I said shut the fuck up!" he shouted, making full use of his status as the biggest in the room. "Now, I'm sure you all know that I can take all you bitches out, right here, right now, with one hand tied behind my back! That's how much you wusses –"

"Get to the damn point, Grizzley!" roared a man in a military uniform, one of the very few people who could stand being the same room with Grizzley without immediately killing him. This was not to say, however, that they were friends. Considering their respective fondness of camping the other, far from it.

"We could do without yer effing squawking, Serge," Grizzley snarled back, "but fine, let's get this party started. Squadron! Our meeting starts…now!"

He jabbed a finger to the side, and all eyes followed. What appeared to be a regular wall was, on closer inspection, revealed to be an old screen adorned by many cracks. It was, in fact, commonly used for briefing multiple groups at once in a guild war event. GGO lore described this room as a place that guerilla squads in the past had used to effectively co-ordinate bloodbaths in the aliens' homelands.

The logo of Gun Gale Online showed up briefly; dark montages of guns flashing across the screen, a silhouette of a soldier whose shot – _BANG!_ – made the screen split into red splatters. It was an impressive display of viciousness. You could almost taste it in the air, that sheer pressure, that very definition of killing intent. Anyone could've been forgiven for straightening up, for just that moment, into a professional ready to blow off the heads of some poor suckers out there.

This sentiment was promptly broken when the next image on the screen turned out to be a rather well-drawn fanart of Kirito and Sinon kissing each other.

With a melodic, soothing melody scaling up and down a harp, the pictures separated into cherry blossoms and scattered in all directions, revealing the next image: a brightly-coloured, dreamy, and decidedly out-of-context screenshot of a figure with long black hair bearing a Photon Sword at the neck of a blue-haired girl held in "her" arm. It was clear that they were staring at each other in the eyes lovingly, or at least, in a manner that could be considered "lovingly" if one didn't know the story behind their gaze.

Most didn't.

As the slideshow continued, showing even more glimpses of the two legendary players' broadcasted moments of intimacy, Grizzley positively throttled the microphone and viciously roared, "Listen up, you pieces of shit! I'm a tourney regular while you people barely know how to wipe yer asses! If I was any less a man of my word I would have ambushed y'all and got myself a fucking awesome PK streak bonus!

"But I won't," the man continued dramatically, "because we have a Code! The sacred Code we wrangled out with the blood, sweat, and tears we share as Brothers of the Faith of Hecate and Eros! So unless you want six ounces of lead pumped into yer empty head, you better bless the goddesses whose eyes made equals a seasoned player like me and the scum that is you!" Grizzley pointed his microphone to the crowd. "Well?! What're ya waiting for?! _Praise the goddesses like you mean it!_ "

Precisely twenty seconds ago, the gathered group looked like the kind to lynch any fool stupid enough to say the kind of things Grizzley spat out. At this point in time it appeared that the crowd had seen a significant slide to the lower end of the masculinity spectrum.

Someone pressed a conveniently placed button that immediately changed the interior of the cargo bay. Banners proclaiming "Hecate x Eros" popped into existence, over the audience's heads; posters of Sinon and Kirito, drawn in an unrealistically idealized manner, appeared on the walls; and someone even changed into a customized T-shirt that read "I Ship Kirito and Sinon". With fervor the made you think that there must have been more _otaku_ mixed into the crowd than you would've thought, the crowd cheered, "Kirito-chan and Sinon-chan!"

Grizzley looked displeased. "What the hell was that?!" he howled. "That was goddamn _shameful_! Louder, people, _louder_!"

" _Kirito-chan and Sinon-chan!_ "

"I can't heeeaaar you!" Grizzley taunted in a sing-song voice. "Speeeaaak uuuuuup!"

"KIRITO-CHAN AND SINON-CHAN!"

" _Put yer effing hearts in it, bastards!_ " Grizzley bellowed. " _Scream for the whole world to hear!_ "

The crowd took a collective breath, but then a player who apparently took Grizzley's words overtly literally scrambled onto a crate and brought out something from his inventory. Everyone recognized it as the Worldwide Bullhorn item; an undroppable, untradeable tournament prize that people usually used to advertise a particular guild or a trade offer. It worked by translating the user's words into a text message, and then flashing it into the screen and chat logs of every online player in every channel of every server.

And without hesitation, the player with the Worldwide Bullhorn screamed, " _KIRITO-CHAN X SINON-CHAN 4EVAAAAAAR!1!11!1!111_ "

Grizzley jabbed an index finger at that player. "Now _there_ 's a man with balls!"

The squadron cheered and started mobbing the bullhorn man with enough slaps in the back to reduce his HP to zero, if the room wasn't currently a Safe Zone. Cries of "Hell yeah!" and "You got guts, man!" permeated the room, along with smarter observations like "You got numbers into a voice message?" and less mature ones of "That's crazy awesome!"

(Zasker, GGO's operating company, would later investigate the message for bugs or hacks. The inquiry would end up inconclusive, with the only, helpless-sounding hypothesis attributing the cause of the event to sheer fanboyism.)

"Players like that," Grizzley's voice boomed, as the last of the crowd gave their final, back-bruising slap to the grinning player. "Players like that are exactly what we need! Serge!"

The man from earlier stepped forward, all signs of disrespect gone. "Yes sir!"

"Brief the men on our recruitment campaign!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" Serge fished out a microphone of his own and faced the crowd. "Attention, all players! We, the Girls' Love Fanclub of Gun Gale Online, have so far accumulated precisely eighty-five members since our inception!

"Now, this normally would be enough to grant us the distinction of being an official guild, but _nooo_ , apparently we aren't big enough!" Serge's expression twisted into one pained beyond measure. "Which, ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you is a bald-faced cover for the fact we're being written off! Even though they set up the Amateur Gun Association and the Union for Homosexual Females, compared to them, we don't even rate! Blasphemy!

"Therefore, we will defeat Zasker by their own rules! We will crush their favouritism by our sheer numbers! And to do so, we shall recruit, recruit, recruit with all our might! Using our most effective strategy –"

"Giving out cookies?" an unidentified, hopeful-sounding voice asked.

"Printing posters of our beloved Kirito-chan and Sinon-chan's loving embrace and scattering it through Akihabara!"

"Three cheers t'that!" Grizzley yelled, and the crowd complied, bursting into wild roars of approval.

"But I wanted cookies!" the same voice said, disappointed. It was quickly ignored.

"Show us the poster!" some other voice called.

"Yeah, show us!"

"How does it look?"

Serge drew up slightly, and with a smile, pointed to the far screen. "Behold!" he announced with a flourish, and this time actual (as in manifested) flower petals scattered over the display as it stopped the slideshow and changed into a specific picture.

It was… _beautiful_. An anime-styled drawing of Sinon, eyes closed and hands held in prayer, floated ephemerally in a cool blue background, her mouth slightly open as if singing a godly choir for all to hear. Kirito, curled up with "her" long hair splayed by the invisible wind, cradled Sinon's head as "she" looked down at her, as if in mourning for the despairs of every single being in this world. There were chains – black chains, darker than night – weighing down on both of them, extending off the page and wrapping everything, including Sinon's wrists and Kirito's neck. The picture as a whole was divine – otherworldly, even.

The crowd burst into excited murmurs. It seemed that all was impressed.

All except for Grizzley, apparently. "Serge. What the hell is this!?"

An eerie hush descended over the room. Serge looked confused and hurt. "But – didn't I make this exactly like you said I should?"

"It's almost there," Grizzley admitted. "If it was anything else, I might've let you off. But I can't on this one. I – effing – can't! It's too important!" Grizzley pointed accusingly at the other man. "You forgot that Sinon-chan's an M. It's Kirito-chan who's the S!"

A gasp escaped the lips of everyone in the room as they noticed the positions of the chains. Serge fell to his knees in repentance. "How could I!" he cried. "How could I forget that Sinon-chan's masochism that would compel her beg Kirito-chan to collar her, and Kirito-chan's sadism that would make sure Sinon-chan was hers forever! Forgive me, my goddesses! Forgive meee!"

"All will be forgiven, Serge," Grizzley soothed, his language uncharacteristically soft, "so long as you hastily correct the error of your ways. Can you change this picture by tomorrow?"

"I must start over. I cannot let this taint corrupt the sacred portrait! I shall work all night if I must!"

A hint of steel came back to Grizzley's smile. "Good. How many copies were you planning on printing out?"

"Seventy, sir!"

"Triple that. On the double!"

"Sir, yes sir!"

"Let's show those sunnova bitches the power of yuri nice and proper!"

"Roger that, sir!" The two saluted each other, and the room burst into applauses and cheers. Several players immediately PMed Serge to reserve a copy, and he headed of the podium already busy with replies as Grizzley looked on proudly.

"Brothers, soon we're gonna get some more lucky bastards to join our quest of worship!" Grizzley announced, to wild cheers. "Too bad they took way too long to realized how much they fucked up. What they'll miss today they're never gonna get…but that doesn't mean you are!

"Every meeting, we dedicate a few minutes to pay tribute to one of our goddesses. Today, we decided to pick Hecate, since we've got ourselves a guest speaker who went and met her before! Ya might've heard his name – hell, some of you might've hired him. He's bodyguard of hunting parties! The shredder of player killers! The user of a big fucking gun! And, as of a few months ago, he has faced our beloved Sinon-chan – and of course, was defeated and enlightened first-hand! Today, he has volunteered to give his accounts on the M that is our blue-haired goddess!"

A sudden spotlight shone down on a cloaked and massive frame that was moving to the podium. The crowd around him parted, humbled by the sheer worship he radiated. As he drew level to Grizzley, the man removed his hood, revealing –

"Gentlemen, I give to you: Bahamut!"

The crowd let out an "Oooh…" in respectful awe, except for one player who asked curiously, "Wait, wasn't that player that Sinon-chan defeated called 'Behemoth'?"

No less than sixteen players simultaneously drew their pistols and fired at the outspoken player in a deafening _BANG!_ Being a Safe Zone, the player's HP was unharmed, but the resulting momentum was enough to send the offender hurtling through the air into the double door entrance. If he just crashed into the doors, he would've crumpled into the ground and that would've been the end of that, but apparently someone had the foresight to pull open the entrance just in time to admit the projectile, changing his crash pad to an unlucky male standing just outside the entrance instead. Then the one who opened the door slammed it shut. "Good riddance."

"Couldn'ta said it better myself," Grizzley growled into the microphone, before turning to the other player. "Welcome to my humble stage, Bahamut! Fancy an introduction?"

Grizzley held out his microphone to Bahamut, who took it and brought it to his face, his eyes somehow poetically sorrowful. "That day," he began, "was the end of my old life and the start of my rebirth."

Grizzley blinked, apparently not having expected this. "'Kay…" he mumbled, before deciding to let it continue and stepping off the stage.

"I saw her on our return trip, clad in the dusty grey cloak in a futile attempt to conceal herself among the surroundings when it was clear that the mantle could do nothing to contain the holy aura of hers that oozed through… Her first shot was perfection in itself. The bullet traveling over a great distance, she completely wiped out the person standing no more than two metres from me with a single twitch of her fingers, like a divine judgment that guided the paths of our destiny on that fateful day…"

The audience leaned forward eagerly, trying to her more.

"Like a flash, she disappeared, and her minions swarmed out from buildings, attempting to overtake the remainder of my group…but they were not worthy of her name. They were not! Even I could take them out, and I did so with glee, running my companion, my machine gun, rampant…yet, I overstepped my bounds. I made the greatest mistake of my life, one that I have since then yearned to repent…I _pointed my gun at the Goddess herself!_ "

A dramatic gasp echoed throughout the room.

"How could I? How was I so _blind_ back then, not seeing the godly heritage she possessed and turned in my direction without restraint? For two minutes – two, whole, _delusional_ minutes – I even believed I had bested her in combat! Yet when that time passed, and she utilized her sacred wings to fly over me where I could reach and aimed her weapon at me, I realized…

"'Oh…so this is what a goddess looks like…'

"That bullet she shot into me, liberating my soul… Words cannot describe it. The pain she inflicted on me was great, and though for a miniscule amount of time I resisted, I found that I could not! Her desire to hurt me crumbled my defenses, and her enjoyment at doing so erased any resistance I might have put up after…and so I was converted! In the seconds before my avatar was destroyed, I bathed in her aura –"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Grizzley shouted, jumping onto the crates and pointing at Bahamut accusingly. "You got the script totally wrong! Sinon-chan's an M! An M, I say!"

There was an awkward sort of silence for a moment, and then Bahamut leapt to his feet. "Curses! Spoiled!" he cried. "You may have uncovered me this time, but I – will – _return_!"

He ran all the way to the front entrance, bursting through the doors with a cry of, "Freedom!" Then, "Sinon-chan's an S!"

The player from earlier who closed the doors did so once again, booting Bahamut from his place. The awkward silence resumed.

"Eeh…" Grizzley shrugged. "Ignoring that…"

The crowd agreed with nervous chuckles, but then became serious when Grizzley made a dark face.

"Brothers, this part is important. I got some rotten news. Some of ya might know our Sinon-chan doesn't always hang around in GGO. She's interested in other VRMMORPGs too. Being the sworn protectorates we are, we assigned loyalist to watch over her and protect her from lowlives…yet what should they see but this!"

Grizzley gestured at the screen again, and again it changed slides. This time, the picture was a screencap from a different game some might have recognized as ALfheim Online. Sinon was recognizable in her blue hair, of course, though her cat ears and tail were an adorable addition as well. However, the young, black-haired, laughing boy she was directing a wry smile at certainly was _not_ recognizable.

"The boy's name," Grizzley announced gravely, "is Kirito."

Sharp intakes of breath sounded around the room as players pieced together what they thought had happened.

"He copied Kirito-chan's name to impersonate her and get closer to Sinon-chan!" an outraged voice yelled.

"Unforgivable!"

"That bastard!"

"Why didn't I think of that?!" Several glares were directed at this voice. "I mean, I'm gonna kill him!"

"This is a grievous problem, Brothers," Grizzley said solemnly. "We need solutions, stat!"

The responses were immediate.

"Let's cuff that faker and give the keys to Sinon-chan!"

"Can't we just nail him onto the side of a building?"

"No, no! We should hang him by his feet and give him lashes!"

"I say –" a new voice began. Unfortunately, the rest of the line must be censored in order to preserve the integrity of this fanfiction's "T" rating. The author apologizes for the inconvenience. We now return to your regularly scheduled yuri-fest.

"Oooh, I like that one!" Grizzley chuckled, and there were noises of assent everywhere. "Yeah, let's do it! When can we get everything ready?"

"Tomorrow!"

"Then that problem's as good as solved," Grizzley finished, and the crowd burst into applause once more. He cleared his throat. "Now that the bad new're done, let's get to our final event!"

Everyone in the room straightened up. They knew what the final event was, and they were practically salivating for it. For his part, Grizzley looked strangely uncomfortable.

"As you may know, guilds need money! Money for uniforms, money for weapons, money to expand – there's a never-ending list of things we can't do without currency! And let me tell ya, this is a big problem! Serge and I by ourselves can't cover the costs of, for example, reserving this room again!

"Thus –" Grizzley grimaced here – "I have been called to make a sacrifice! This is an item I've treasured with my life, yet I now see that to spread the tidings of Kirito-chan and Sinon-chan even further, I must…I must…auction it!"

With jerked, forced movements, Grizzley opened his inventory and brought up an item – only to immediately wrap his huge arms around it before anyone caught a good glimpse. "I c-can't!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry, Serge! Don't make me do this!"

"Don't give up, Grizzley!" Serge cried out in turn, apparently having upgraded to BFFs while none of the readers were paying attention. "Do it! Do it for the goddesses! Do it for Kirito-chan and Sinon-chan's cute smiles!"

Grizzley gave another sob, choked out, "For the smiles!" and then unrolled the item in his arms – revealing a wallpaper of the final moment in the third BoB, just before the explosion that took out both competitors. In other words, an image of Sinon wrapping her arms around Kirito's midsection with a smile on both their faces, both again staring into the other's eyes "lovingly". The thing was, this picture's resolution was high enough that it could be tacked onto the space of an entire real-life wall.

There wasn't even a need to name the starting price. The battle started immediately, and it was ferocious.

"Ten megacredits!"

"Fifteen! I call fifteen megacredits!"

A chorus of multiple voices sounded here, raising the bid incrementally from fifteen megacredits, until –

"Eighteen megacredits!"

This silenced the crowd. Eighteen megacredits bought the most expensive item in-game thrice over, and could support a living for six months. Most simply never needed that much before. Players turned to stare at the latest bidder uneasily, their faces stricken. The man in question stood resolute and proud, daring the other bidders to raise the price even further.

"Eighteen point one!"

One player in particular glared against the last bidder, proving he did, in fact, come with the necessary funds. The two players glared at each other, baring their teeth.

"Ooon the far corner," Serge commentated, replacing the weeping Grizzley as he took a moment for himself in the cargo bay's corner, "is the charming, AGI-type, clever Player Killer known in the leaderboards as 'the Politician'! He pimps the markets to buy supplies, and his former squadron was one of the largest around solely due to his silver tongue! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, 'Goldangye'!"

The latest bidder sneered at the other man.

"His opponent is the brutal, STR-type, inestimable savage many call 'Red Barrel'! Fond of stabbing his enemies with his gun like a spear, he shows no mercy to his opponents whether they be players or mobs! His name is…'Visten'!"

Visten snarled at Goldangye, his face promising revenge.

"Aaand let Round One start…now!" And then because there _was_ no bell, Serge mimed, "Ding ding ding!"

Visten barked out a raise by half a megacredit.

"Visten heads in with a straight punch! He does not hold back!"

The Politician responded with an increase of another tenth.

"Goldan evades! He's not wasting any movements!"

The other man jumped the bid to nineteen.

"Red Barrel persists! I'm not sure what he's aiming for but –"

Goldengye raised by a full megacredit this time.

"Oh, but look at that _beautiful_ attack! Visten would be hard-pressed to counter –"

Visten grinned and repeated Goldangye's words.

"HE DOES! He countered and slammed the Politician right in the guts!"

Goldangye angrily raised by a fifth.

"He's hanging in there, folks – just barely, it feels like –"

Red Barrel did the same as Goldangye.

"– But I'm not sure how much longer he can last –"

The Politician tersely bidded at twenty.

"– It feels like endgame, people, endgame –"

Visten triumphantly raised the price by _two_ whole megacredits, and Goldangye visibly staggered back.

"And there it is, the finishing blow! Excellent execution by Red Barrel, it left no room for retaliation and he has come out on top! The final bid is twenty-two megacredits, everyone! I repeat, twenty-two megacredits! Visten's approaching me now – he's pretty confident he dominated the room, and I have to say, I agree! As he's the last one standing, I count: going once, going twice, aaand…"

Quite suddenly, a voice near the back roared, "Twenty-four megacredits!"

Visten clutched his heart theatrically, a look of shock developing on his face as he frantically looked left and right to find who had attacked him. Murmurs rippled throughout the room as people parted away from the latest bidder, revealing him to all. He stood slightly taller than the average player, with an unkempt face. His armour was coloured mostly in red. Perhaps most strikingly, he had a bandanna wrapped around his head.

Serge gaped for a moment before he stuttered out, "Twenty-four megacredits! I repeat, twenty-four megacredits! If there's no one who can beat that price, then going once…"

The latest bidder looked around, meeting everyone's eyes with conviction. None doubted he had the money to back up his claim.

"Going twice…"

Visten, still looking shocked, realized he'd been had and began smiling helplessly. He chuckled, then started bringing his hands together as congratulations. One by one, the other members of the audience followed his lead.

"Aaand done! Player, you have won the item! Please come, make your payment, and receive your prize!"

The applause was going in earnest now, some cheers mixing into the noise. A spotlight suddenly shone down on the red-clad player as he strode down a path opened up by the players around him, new petals of whatever-flower-they-were-from raining down from the air. And as he hoisted himself up on the podium, completed the transaction with Serge, accepted the wallpaper from a still-sniffling Grizzley, and brandished it to the increased applause of other players, Klein, for that one, magnificent moment, giddily felt like he was at the top of the world.

* * *

"And that," Klein said, sniffling and wiping away tears of joy, "is why I now have a poster of Kirito and Sinon pinned up in my room."

Behind him, the rest of Fuurinkazan shuffled their feet nervously, seemingly wondering whose bright idea it was to put Klein in charge of their little band. In front of him, Kirito stood frozen, his expression intensely aghast.

Sinon put it best: "What. The. Hell?"

"I'm sorry, Kirito," Klein cried. "I tried. I really did! When we escaped SAO as best of friends, I vowed as a man to support your love to Asuna-san all the way through! When those bastards in GGO first attacked me, I resisted with all my might! I thought, 'Dammit Klein! You can do better than this! On a good day, keeping those ideas of girl's love outta your head is something you do for breakfast!'

"But then, it dawned on me…why should I _want_ to keep it out?

"And when I thought that…my eyes opened! I looked at those pictures of you and Sinon-chan making out with a fresh new perspective, and I instantly knew I had been erring all my life! My tried and tired code of _bushi_ …the idea of letting the man protect the woman…"

Klein straightened proudly, his fist raised up as if it was an offering to whichever god oversaw hot girl-on-girl interaction. "No more! As a man, I swear to protect the purity of love that is Yuri, as a proud member of the Girl's Love Fanclub of –"

Kirito drew his sword and pummeled Klein's face aside, thankfully shutting him up.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Sword Art Online is owned by Reki Kawahara. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.
> 
> Endnote: This is just an experiment in over-the-top, though I'm a little displeased by what I view as over-reliance on clichés and I don't think I took it as far as it could go...


End file.
